So I have been literally swimming through nine unfolded loads of laundry to find that one pair of dinosaur underwear, or the one pair of jeans out of ten (all part of batches of clothes given to Olivia by a friend-don't ask how the other nine pairs get dirty) that Olivia insists on wearing every day. This is a typical pattern. I do keep up with actually washing the clothes, and occasionally towels and sheets. This is no small task, since I have to walk over 200 steps to my parents to get the clothes in and out of the machines. Once the clothes and I arrive safely back at our place, I just throw the basket in the middle of my room, which happens to be the main room of our apartment as well. It turns into a mountain by night, an ocean by day, and a nice cushiony place to land behind our couch (also known as my bed) when we have a visitor. That visitor is usually there to watch the kids, so we need to have room for them to watch a movie, of course. In that tiny square of a space, the kids also need room to run around and trample the visitor(s) and find excuses to fall off the couch/bed. With the weather being nicer, we have been able to mostly avoid that whole laundry hiding step. What a relief. But what are we trying to hide anyway? As if the rest of the apartment is emaculate. And what an absolute burden it is to inevitably face that folding task. It seems mathematically impossible for four of us to dirty so many clothes each day, unless you start figuring in the ability Grace has to sit as far away from the table as possible while eating, therefore allowing plenty of room for portions of food to drop. She eats them, though, mostly. And don't forget the various types of liquid. The rest goes without saying. When I don't have the kids, I only have to do two loads of laundry every two weeks. I also do most of my shopping at the farmer's market when they are away over the summer. There are some tiny advantages to having them gone, I guess, as much as I enjoy dragging three tired children around the store, constantly saying "please don't look at or take anything at your eye level, because they put it there on purpose to get us to buy more." or just "NO!". But I get so lazy and bored without them. No balance whatsoever there. But the reason I indulged in this pondering last night and into the early morning, while folding the laundry for 90 minutes . . . after getting home way too late from hiking with our friends, after the condensed baths, after taking the garbage and recycling out, after cleaning the kitchen . . . is because I was unwisely comparing this life with the pre-divorced one. I mean strictly concerning tasks and activities related to my children. So the laundry, for example used to be a weekly ritual I actually enjoyed. I am not exaggerating. Even with 3 tiny children, I found joy, especially in the folding part. I felt so in control and connected to my motherhood. I loved holding each piece of clothing, admiring it's innocence, and tiny-ness, and carefully folding it. I especially prided myself on the fact that in the five years I did laundry before the separation and divorce, I was devastated when, and if, I ever lost a sock. It is hard to remember how I had that much vigilance to a task that is an absolute burden in my life right now. But I did, and I enjoyed it. Now I feel it a great accomplishment, along with frustration at the waste of precious time, when the folding actually happens. Unfortunately, the last time I folded the laundry, I took the baskets upstairs, only to find out that the kids and the babysitter had decided to play dress-up with all the previously folded clothes from all of their closets. In other words, my hours of folding work were carelessly covering the floor, all for a few minutes of pleasure. Life is all too full of those kinds of experiences. I didn't handle that particular moment too well. Anyhow, the average time it takes to get to folding the laundry from the moment it is clean is about 3 weeks. And missing socks? The average is about 5-6 per load. I have a huge bag of them hanging in my closet, which happens to be my bathroom too. Every once in a while, I happen to find a match. No such luck this time.
Other procrastinating, besides right this minute at work. Okay, I do have work to do, so I'll come back to this later . . . We are moving! I think I mentioned this in my last post. This week! This means that we actually have storage space, a garage, a room devoted to the kids, one for me, and a main room. Even a good-sized dining space. And the washing machine/dryer are actually in the house. It isn't exactly spacious, and we lose a bathroom. But it has more room, and a backyard too. I made it oh so clear to the children that this past Saturday we were going to devote to organizing our stuff for the move. I gave each child two huge garbage bags: one for throw away, one for give away. The keep stuff is to go in large plastic bins. We hung one bag designated for recycling. We bagan, and then our friend Lauren called. The kids had done just enough to make a terrifying mess, the kind where there is no where to even step with just one toe. But how could we say no to Lauren and her son? Not even so much for her sake, but for our pleasure? So she was inviting us to go rollerblading and ride our scooters at the Jordan River Parkway. Not exactly a 45 minute break. It actually turned into about 8 hours, considering we spent time playing in the park, a couple hours on the parkway (so fun, by the way! Grew up here, and never knew it existed), more park, and then a jaunt to Summerhayes music to get a new violin bow for Olivia, and a new guitar case for me - both desperately needed. And then we went to another park, the King's English Bookstore, and to dinner with Grandpa. By the time we got home, we had our baths, got to bed after 10:00, and the mess did not budge for us. The bunk bed suddenly became my enemy, since I couldn't get to it to tuck Isaac in. At the moment, I'm not planning on invivting it to stay in the new place. It is just another obstacle in the mess, but I'll probably change my mind. It is a sturdy thing.
You have to understand one thing, before I finish this lengthy document. Last Saturday (and the 5 days preceding it) was devoted to the Tanner Dance Performance at Kingsbury Hall. Olivia and I both performed on Saturday, but I had rehearsals almost every day for the adult class. And we performed all day on Saturday. Lots of fun, really sore body, and nothing accomplished at home. The Saturday before that, I watched kids for friends all weekend (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday - two different families). This is highly unusual, since I don't go out of my way to offer this service of late, even though I owe about a year's worth of babysitting to humanity. In fact, I can't think of another time I have been asked since I got divorced, except by my sister Jill. So, in a way, it was kind of an honor. But then again, nothing was accomplished that weekend.
However, the kids leave me in just over two weeks, and I am so grateful for the time I have spent with them over the past few months. Miraculously, circumstance has allowed me to have little unexpected pockets of time with each of them individually. And I was aware during those moments that they were gifts. I will rely on the memories of those mercies when I am missing my little ones desperately over the summer. I have learned through past experience that the noise that stresses me now, I will long for when all is too quiet in a few weeks. However, I will not be missing the cooking, Mrs. Bruce's homework (or rather the stress it has caused for Olivia), and pushing kids to bed, only to drag them out in the morning. I will try really hard not to miss the extra laundry.
No comments:
Post a Comment